As I mentioned in a previous post, I have extremely low self esteem. In the past, this has prevented me from applying to schools, jobs, and internships which I felt were a reach, out of fear that I wouldn't be able to handle (possible) rejection. It's also impacted the way I approach relationships, but that's a post for a different time.
When I started applying to law schools, I figured this would be a good time to work on this aspect of myself, and I applied to several schools that were "reach" schools . I have heard back from a number of the schools I have applied to, and almost all of the responses were positive. However, there are two schools that are at the top of my list of ideal schools. One I haven't heard from yet. The other one I got waitlisted for. I found out today.
In a way, I expected this. Writing application essays was awful. As I was trying to convince the schools that I was their ideal candidate, that I was smart and ambitious and all around awesome, my insides were screaming, "NO YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE LAZY AND STUPID AND THE WORSE CANDIDATE FOR LAW SCHOOL EVER". I've really been trying to separate my emotions from rationality, but this is not making things easier.
My mom, forever the optimist, responded to my text of "waitlisted for [school a] :(" with "that's excellent, when do u hear back?". It took me a while to figure out her response wasn't an insult. I guess I should have her confidence, but I just don't. I equate getting waitlisted for schools with rejection. Similarly, when I got into a few schools but without getting a scholarship offer, I was upset. Acceptances should be cause for celebration, but I'm always looking at the negative.
I really need to work on this confidence thing. I guess I've been convinced that avoiding any risk of rejection is not the way to go, but I'm not loving the alternative.
Showing posts with label law school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label law school. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Alternate Personalities via Google
I Googled my name today. Among the people sharing my name were a registered nurse, a college volleyball player, a professor, and a woman with my first name who married a man with my last name and had six bridesmaids.
Sometimes I think that google is not just a search engine, it's a portal into alternate universes. What if I had pursued volleyball after my tenure as middle school captain of the varsity volleyball team? I may just be playing college ball now, with a full scholarship and everything. What if I hadn't been disuaded from the sciences when my 9th grade biology teacher made us watch Finding Nemo four different times throughout the year? I may have become a nurse, or even a doctor...
As I sit here sorting through the law school acceptance letters that have arrived, and wait eagerly by my e-mail inbox to hear from the others, I often ponder if the carreer I chose in 10th grade is the correct one. My roomate said the average American changes carreers 7 times in their lifetimes. Great, but I would like my starting carreer to NOT put me hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt just in time for me to realize that what I ACTUALLY want to do is something I could have gone in to straight out of college.
This is where the Google portal stops being useful. When I click on the names, I read about someone who is not me. I'd like a button that I can click next to any one of these alternate selves that says, 'how to get here'. It would tell me, in great detail, what to do to become that person, starting from where I am right now.
So, any of you computer nerds-up to the challenge??
Sometimes I think that google is not just a search engine, it's a portal into alternate universes. What if I had pursued volleyball after my tenure as middle school captain of the varsity volleyball team? I may just be playing college ball now, with a full scholarship and everything. What if I hadn't been disuaded from the sciences when my 9th grade biology teacher made us watch Finding Nemo four different times throughout the year? I may have become a nurse, or even a doctor...
As I sit here sorting through the law school acceptance letters that have arrived, and wait eagerly by my e-mail inbox to hear from the others, I often ponder if the carreer I chose in 10th grade is the correct one. My roomate said the average American changes carreers 7 times in their lifetimes. Great, but I would like my starting carreer to NOT put me hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt just in time for me to realize that what I ACTUALLY want to do is something I could have gone in to straight out of college.
This is where the Google portal stops being useful. When I click on the names, I read about someone who is not me. I'd like a button that I can click next to any one of these alternate selves that says, 'how to get here'. It would tell me, in great detail, what to do to become that person, starting from where I am right now.
So, any of you computer nerds-up to the challenge??
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Blogging Makes the World a Better Place
Just minutes after I posted my disgruntled post earlier today, things started turning around.
I found out that I didn't actually leave my wallet at home, rather, had thrown it not in my purse but in my backpack, which I had with me as well. And there was still time before the test to down my tall iced vanilla latte with skim milk. The one down side to this event was that the coffee bar had run out of caramel syrup, so I wasn't able to get my caramel macciato, but hey, caffeine and sugar is caffeine and sugar in any form.
I met with my Boss, who was very sympathetic to my plight and said the only reason she mentioned my absence was because she wanted to make sure I wasn't sick or otherwise incapacitated. I am sick, but that's not the point. She cares about me, and thinks I'm a fine employee.
I sat down to write my reasons for wanting to attend law school. Turns out, I have some pretty legit reasons. And also, apparently, I'm pretty darn good candidate if I do say so myself. My resume is overflowing with things I've done to be proactive in my community, and that's OBVIOUSLY something that will follow me in my law career.
I'm still unholy and dirty, but after a whole day of meetings and classes and talking with professors, I sort of seem to forget about it.
Also, and most importantly, I know I have yummy leftover carrot soup waiting for me at home.
I found out that I didn't actually leave my wallet at home, rather, had thrown it not in my purse but in my backpack, which I had with me as well. And there was still time before the test to down my tall iced vanilla latte with skim milk. The one down side to this event was that the coffee bar had run out of caramel syrup, so I wasn't able to get my caramel macciato, but hey, caffeine and sugar is caffeine and sugar in any form.
I met with my Boss, who was very sympathetic to my plight and said the only reason she mentioned my absence was because she wanted to make sure I wasn't sick or otherwise incapacitated. I am sick, but that's not the point. She cares about me, and thinks I'm a fine employee.
I sat down to write my reasons for wanting to attend law school. Turns out, I have some pretty legit reasons. And also, apparently, I'm pretty darn good candidate if I do say so myself. My resume is overflowing with things I've done to be proactive in my community, and that's OBVIOUSLY something that will follow me in my law career.
I'm still unholy and dirty, but after a whole day of meetings and classes and talking with professors, I sort of seem to forget about it.
Also, and most importantly, I know I have yummy leftover carrot soup waiting for me at home.
The Worst Day Ever
Well, maybe not ever. But here's a list of what happened in the last five hours:
-I planned to wake up at 7:30 to daven, shower, and study. I woke up at 9:30, and only had time to study. Now I feel unholy and dirty.
-I'm sick, but I just took off school for Yom Kippur and will be taking off more time to go home for Succot, so I really can't justify missing any more class.
-I'm in an eternal state of "Do I really want to go to law school or not, and if not, what DO I want to do?" I sometimes picture myself as a forensic analyst, but then tell myself there is a reason I've been avoiding any type of science-type classes. Then I get mad at myself for not taking a more well rounded course load.
-I've been spending too much time with the boyfriend. I think my roomates are annoyed. It's not their right to be annoyed (because we spend time at his house, not mine) but I don't want to get on their bad side.
-The meeting I was supposed to go to at 12 was apparently at 10. I never got the email, the boss asked me if I forgot and is meeting personally with me later.
-I have to give my advisor reasons why I want to go to law school so she can write a reccomendation letter for me. I can't really think of any other than, "I'll make a lot of money" and "I want my parents to be proud of me".
-I went to the coffee shop to get my standard feel better drink, a tall iced skinny caramel macciato, and realized that even though i had shlepped my whole purse with me, and even had to go back to one of my classes because I left it there, my credit card is still at home.
-I planned to wake up at 7:30 to daven, shower, and study. I woke up at 9:30, and only had time to study. Now I feel unholy and dirty.
-I'm sick, but I just took off school for Yom Kippur and will be taking off more time to go home for Succot, so I really can't justify missing any more class.
-I'm in an eternal state of "Do I really want to go to law school or not, and if not, what DO I want to do?" I sometimes picture myself as a forensic analyst, but then tell myself there is a reason I've been avoiding any type of science-type classes. Then I get mad at myself for not taking a more well rounded course load.
-I've been spending too much time with the boyfriend. I think my roomates are annoyed. It's not their right to be annoyed (because we spend time at his house, not mine) but I don't want to get on their bad side.
-The meeting I was supposed to go to at 12 was apparently at 10. I never got the email, the boss asked me if I forgot and is meeting personally with me later.
-I have to give my advisor reasons why I want to go to law school so she can write a reccomendation letter for me. I can't really think of any other than, "I'll make a lot of money" and "I want my parents to be proud of me".
-I went to the coffee shop to get my standard feel better drink, a tall iced skinny caramel macciato, and realized that even though i had shlepped my whole purse with me, and even had to go back to one of my classes because I left it there, my credit card is still at home.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Dead Man Walking?
Way back in the day I used to be adamantly against the death penalty. It's just too uncertain, it dosen't deter crime any more than life without parole does, it doesn't protect society anymore than life without parole does, and it certainly dosen't do anything to help rehabilitate the offenders.
I still sort of feel that way.
However, I've started working with Criminal Justice research organizations, and I've realized there is a really big incentive for the death penalty. This, of course, is the financial incentive. It costs a heck of a lot less to kill someone than it does to build prisions for them, provide food and clothing for them, and to pay gaurds to watch them.
Now, if that were the only factor, it would still seem to be pretty clear cut. Taxpayers should pay the price for a better society. (This is the liberal in me fighting to see some daylight). Still, there is one more factor that needs to be added in to the equation.
This is the war on drugs. There are those amongst us that advocate in legalizing certain non-life threatening drugs, such as marijuana, to alleviate this war. On the otherside, there are those that oppose this, saying it's the same as a mid-war immediate pullout. Both sides, however, acknowledge that we are fighting an expensive battle which we seem to be losing.
Through my work with sentancing policy, I've noticed something interesting. My state sets guidelines for various crimes, depending on the severity of the offense and the history of the offender. Judges don't have to listen to these guidelines, but they have to provide a reason if they deviate from them.
The problem is, all too often, judges will issue rulings like "10 years in state prison, suspended". This means, basically, the 10 years goes on the offenders permanent record, and into the statistical information, but the offender actually doesn't serve any time.
One time, I saw a judge issue a ruling (I think it was for 3 years), with the caveat "begining when space opens up at jailhouse X". Lack of space in prisions is a huge problem, and judges work with it by suspending the sentances of their less violent offenders, usually those convicted of drug possesion or distribution. I have not yet come across any case where someone was convicted of possesion that actually served ANY time. It's rediculous. Originally, I blamed the judges, saying they weren't being hard enough on drug crimes. It's only been recently that I started to think maybe it's not just them. Maybe they are just doing the best possible job they can do when prisions are literally filled to capacity.
Ideally, yes, more prisions should be built to solve the space problem. Would it cost tax money? Most definately yes. Short of that, however, may leave the need to keep criminals out of prision in a different way-a systematic genocide of the most hardened criminals that don't really stand a chance of getting released any way. But I just can't advocate for that.
I still sort of feel that way.
However, I've started working with Criminal Justice research organizations, and I've realized there is a really big incentive for the death penalty. This, of course, is the financial incentive. It costs a heck of a lot less to kill someone than it does to build prisions for them, provide food and clothing for them, and to pay gaurds to watch them.
Now, if that were the only factor, it would still seem to be pretty clear cut. Taxpayers should pay the price for a better society. (This is the liberal in me fighting to see some daylight). Still, there is one more factor that needs to be added in to the equation.
This is the war on drugs. There are those amongst us that advocate in legalizing certain non-life threatening drugs, such as marijuana, to alleviate this war. On the otherside, there are those that oppose this, saying it's the same as a mid-war immediate pullout. Both sides, however, acknowledge that we are fighting an expensive battle which we seem to be losing.
Through my work with sentancing policy, I've noticed something interesting. My state sets guidelines for various crimes, depending on the severity of the offense and the history of the offender. Judges don't have to listen to these guidelines, but they have to provide a reason if they deviate from them.
The problem is, all too often, judges will issue rulings like "10 years in state prison, suspended". This means, basically, the 10 years goes on the offenders permanent record, and into the statistical information, but the offender actually doesn't serve any time.
One time, I saw a judge issue a ruling (I think it was for 3 years), with the caveat "begining when space opens up at jailhouse X". Lack of space in prisions is a huge problem, and judges work with it by suspending the sentances of their less violent offenders, usually those convicted of drug possesion or distribution. I have not yet come across any case where someone was convicted of possesion that actually served ANY time. It's rediculous. Originally, I blamed the judges, saying they weren't being hard enough on drug crimes. It's only been recently that I started to think maybe it's not just them. Maybe they are just doing the best possible job they can do when prisions are literally filled to capacity.
Ideally, yes, more prisions should be built to solve the space problem. Would it cost tax money? Most definately yes. Short of that, however, may leave the need to keep criminals out of prision in a different way-a systematic genocide of the most hardened criminals that don't really stand a chance of getting released any way. But I just can't advocate for that.
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